Widows and significant others grieving death of military loved one find healing in O.C.

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May 18, 2012.

U.S. Army Sgt. Mike Knapp, who had been stationed in Afghanistan, was to travel home to Kansas that day for two weeks of R & R, to be spent with his wife, Abby, and their 9-month-old daughter, Kinsley.

He never made the trip.

Knapp was killed by a rocket-propelled grenade.

Trish Evans of the Shea Center in San Juan Capistrano welcomes everyone to a therapeutic horse- riding session as part of a TAPS retreat.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

Knapp’s widow was contacted immediately by the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, known commonly as TAPS, a nonprofit that offers services and experiences to military spouses, finances and significant others following the death of their military loved one.

Abby Knapp was among a group of survivors who bonded and healed together at the TAPS California Surviving Spouses and Surviving Significant Others Retreat, held in Dana Point July 18-22.

Abby Knapp of Las Vegas trots around the Shea Center horse arena during a TAPS retreat.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

As a group, they kayaked and painted and participated in yoga classes.

They interacted with therapy horses at the Shea Center for Therapeutic Riding.

They enjoyed quite moments of reflection and shared emotions in therapy groups.

Janelle Wallace of Dallas, the surviving spouse of Army Capt. Ellery Ray Wallace, smiles as she grooms a horse at the Shea Center, part of a TAPS retreat.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

“Everything they do, they have a purpose … team building, dealing with anger, helping them cope,” said Knapp, at the Shea Center. “I went on my first retreat up in Alaska in 2013. It was a life-changing moment for me. TAPS is dear to my heart because I got to meet other widows in the same situation.”

TAPS organizes about four retreats a year, each one in a different part of the country.

Some include children and siblings of the fallen military member.

Others, such as the Dana Point retreat, are for spouses and partners.

Guests at a TAPS retreat gather around a circular horse arena as horse trainer Steve Milne teaches how to break, or train, a horse at the Shea Therapeutic Riding Center in San Juan Capistrano.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

Janelle Wallace, 40, a mother of four whose Army husband, Ray, was killed in an ambush in Afghanistan seven years ago, has been to multiple TAPS retreats.

The Dana Point retreat was Wallace’s first that was for spouses and significant others only.

“The family is grieving too (but) you lost your sweetheart,” said Wallace, who lives in Texas. “This was necessary. It’s been the biggest healer. You learn from each other.”

Horse trainer Steve Milne works with Amanda Fisher of Temecula on a session on how to train a horse during a TAPS retreat at the Shea Therapeutic Riding Center in San Juan Capistrano.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

Wallace said she learns something new at every TAPS event, such as a new resource or a new method of healing.

“There are all different angles on how to deal with things and you don’t know until you try,” she said. “It kind of forces us to go out and do things that I wouldn’t do myself.”

Ashlee Regalado of Cornville, Ariz., left, and Monika Garyantes of Oldsmar, Fla., get aquainted with their horse before starting to groom him as part of a TAPS therapeutic session.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

TAPS was founded in 1994 by Bonnie Carroll, spouse of Brig. Gen. Tom Carroll, who was among eight soldiers killed in an Army C-12 plane crash in Alaska on Nov. 12, 1992.

Janelle Wallace of Dallas gets assistance from Trish Evans, left, and Shari Masline of the Shea Center as she mounts her horse during a TAPS retreat.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

Carroll, who received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2015, discovered that the families found comfort by supporting each other through their shared experience.

TAPS was founded on that premise.

Kylynn Maxwell, of Salt Lake City, joined TAPS in 2014, four years after her husband, a veteran of the Marines, died by suicide.

Monika Garyantes of Oldsmar, Fla., makes her way around the Shea Center horse arena with the assistance of volunteer Adelaide Rudkin, right, during a TAPS retreat.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

“I went to my first TAPS event and I finally felt like I fit in somewhere,” Maxwell said. “I feel like other people could relate to the experience I had.”

Maxwell became empowered to become a retreat coordinator for TAPS, and was one of the coordinators of the retreat in Dana Point.

“It’s been very therapeutic for me to be a role model and to be a mentor to other widows and also surviving parents, and siblings,” she said. “If their loved one served and died, we honor them and serve them.”

Abby Knapp of Las Vegas grooms a horse during a therapeutic session that was part of a TAPS retreat.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

Celia Granados of Anthony, N.M., is taken around the horse arena by volunteer Haley Edwards during a TAPS retreat at the Shea Center in San Juan Capistrano.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC

Heidi Knight of the Shea Center in San Juan Capistrano, right, goes over the steps of grooming a horse as part of a TAPS therapeutic session.
Photo by Steven Georges/Behind the Badge OC